As a young child I was a witness to Domestic Violence in the home and those are images that stuck with me well into college. I was silent in my confusion and often times felt alone in my experience.
It took me many years to discover the beauty of my voice and the strength of my story. I wrote my first book, Smeared Eyeliner and Faded Lipstick, poetry collection, in 2007 and it was my way of stepping into the freedom of my voice. My second book, a devotional, On The Heels of My Father, was written out of church pain and my journey of finding my way back to my spiritual connection and relationship with the Father. I believe that every woman has a story that needs to be shared to help another woman break free from the guilt and shame or confusion of what she's walked through. We forget that we aren't alone on this journey and no longer should we suffer in silence or let those around us do the same.
This is a place for our stories.
This is our community to be heard.
A big part of my story is that I never imagined I would be married. There were more unhealthy relationships around me than there were healthy and I believed there wasn't any hope for the union I desired in my heart. I had a skewed perspective of what love looks like and believed that I didn’t deserve a happily ever after. What I've learned along the way is that sometimes in marriage our ability to do it on our own crumbles. We can't figure it ALL out. We can't answer all of the questions. We can't address ALL of the issues. We can't die to ourselves in the manner we need to because we lack the wisdom and revelation that comes from knowing God.
I didn't know God the way I needed to know Him for many years in my marriage and it created some HORRIBLE moments for us. Harboring pain, feelings of abandonment and shame and unresolved childhood trauma found me projecting and stonewalling. But the moment I picked up my mess and brought it to Him, He began to show me how to heal and to stand firmly on the covenant He has given me.
Marriage is about doing YOUR PART so that God can IMPART His grace through your covenant. Each of you have a responsibility: Heaven is not a 2 for 1 deal.
I was terrified to become a mother. I felt too imperfect, too selfish, too weak, too damaged. God continues to grace me as I face my motherhood fears and cancel those lies. In addition, He reminds me that who we are as women is just as important as how we lead our children and uplift our husbands:
We are beings wearing many hats that matter deeply to us and our purpose.
We have visions that keep us awake at night (when we aren't taking care of little ones who snuck into our bed, soothing teethers, or nursing newborns) that we want to see fulfilled in this lifetime.
We want to be women after God's own heart, laughing at the days to come
