The Liberation of Black Motherhood

In writing the poems about the different layers of Black motherhood for my book, Toni was my inspiration. Naturally she is one of my favorite writers and raising two boys myself, I lean into her voice for wisdom and insight.

In an interview with Bill Moyer she spoke about motherhood being liberating. Liberating because you are free to be your authentic self with your children because that’s who they want. They don’t need you to be made up or putting on or talking a certain way. They want your joy and love and the things within you that you have the capacity to freely share. So much of my motherhood has centered around this idea that I’m Home to two people no matter what. Safe and absolute. They see me as a warrior but sometimes I’m weak.

Sometimes I fail and miss the mark and often times I’m afraid to let them see those pieces of me. Or embarrassed. Perhaps it’s complicated. Yet, those pieces of me are the parts I have to sit with when I’m alone. They are the questions I have to give answers to when my therapist tells me even Superman had to be Clark Kent at times. As I search within the walls of my heart and ideologies surrounding this need to protect the real parts of me from the innocent eyes and admiration of my boys, I worry, I guess, that they will see my flaws and instead of celebrating me as human they will be forced to realize that even I’m not perfect. Which leads to a discussion about the idea of perfection and what that represents within me as I navigate motherhood. In this moment, during this quarantine, it would look like concealing my emotions. Not just my emotions about the state of our country but especially how this time is impacting me. But I recognize attempting to parade around as an “ice queen” only harms me and narrows their insight into what is expected of us as human beings in the face of difficult times. How the grace I preach to extend to ourselves also lends its hand to how we exist in time, breathing through traumatic realities, letting the light see our tears expressed in the darkness. The ebb and flow of my authentic self are the parts I’m learning to embrace because they stretch me.

Womanhood. Liberation. Growth. 🌱

Toni goes on to say, “somehow, all of the baggage that I had accumulated as a person about what was valuable, so much of that just fell away. And I could not only be me, whatever that was, somebody actually needed me to be that.”

Happy Birthday Ancestor Toni!

Thank you for continuing to teach me, especially in times like these, when I attempt to curate a valuable image of my motherhood for my boys when they truly just need me to be me. 💕✨