3 Ways to Better Parent during a Pandemic

As a woman with a degree in Human Development with a concentration in Family Studies, I like to believe I understand a lot about children, the family dynamic and how to navigate motherhood with ease. But the reality is that while I do know and understand a lot about both, my knowledge doesn’t mean my humanness no longer exists.

Before the pandemic we were going through life at full speed. I work full time outside of the home, my husband owns a strength and conditioning facility and our children were in multiple extra curricular activities at the same time. It was a complete rat race and it’s no wonder God made sure we sat our tails down. I had been wanting and needing a pause + some time to be home with my boys that didn’t entail rushing through our moments to get to the next thing that needed to be done. Dinner was a rush. Baths were rushed. If there was homework it had to be done before I got off of work because we had practices to go to in the evenings. It was exhausting and perhaps some of the prayers in the deep corner pocket of my heart is why we’re all at home. Well, most of us. Even with my desire to have a pause on life, I underestimated how much having my own space to go places alone or be at home alone meant to my parenting wellness. It has been one hundred and something days in the house with my kids and husband and while I’m a true introvert, I have not been myself. In our discussions surrounding self-care we have to also consider parenting during a pandemic and what that entails.

Here are 3 resources to utilize to better parent during a pandemic:

Your community

I noticed very early during quarantine that one of my sons was having a hard time but the revelation came after I had fussed at him and became annoyed with his all of the sudden attitude and multiple meltdowns. I know it’s so easy as parents to quickly snap and not consider our children and their feelings at a time like this but usually a drastic change in behavior is a true indicator that something is happening. Once I stepped outside of my own (internal) meltdowns, my first response was to reach out to my community of friends who have kids around the same age as mine and ask for their opinions. I asked if their kids were acting differently, if they thought my son was going through puberty (yes goodbye 4 year degree, hello community survey questionnaire) and/ or what I should do. We’ve made it a thing to sit in our homes, battle with something and never reach out for advice or help or prayer because we are too ashamed to admit that anything is wrong. Once I jumped out there and shared what was going on and how I needed prayer and advice, friends began to consider their own children and recognized that things were different with their kids as well. It became a conversation that helped someone else when I was only trying to help myself navigate this new normal.

Your curated day

Everything is in chaos and it feels like the chaos grows ten times larger each day. But something that has helped me be a better parent during this quarantine is organizing the boys day. I know that I have to log in and do work on my laptop everyday. That’s my day. It’s already planned for me to get it done. However, with no school and no summer camp it had become a wild house around here. I’m sure you’ve heard this before (and if you haven’t here it is) but kids need + crave structure. They will never say please give me something to do but they will hang on you, whine, complain, cry for no reason and incessantly say they are bored. And the B word is not allowed. So I wrote out a list of things for them to do each day. There are multiple options available for them to create and explore after they take care of their chores. And honestly we are doing the best with what we have so some days you will be happy to have had the energy to feed your kids and get them through another day and some days you will knock the schedule out the park. Don’t lose heart if things get crazy. What’s important is that there is a plan handy and ready for you utilize to ensure you don’t get trapped in the kid on my leg, whine in my ear twilight zone.

Your choice

I just knew by July 2020 people would have acted right and we would’ve flattened the curve and we would safely be able to go out without extreme paranoia. But when the states opened prematurely in May I knew it was going to be a long road ahead. [And as someone with asthma and allergies I honestly can’t take the chances I’ve seen many take in the last few months.] Lately I’ve noticed that I’ve been very anxious and more snappy and the yelling, whew chile. It has not been a good look. I’m not a yelling type of person; I always need a mic when I do speaking events because no one would be able to hear me without one. So when my yelling began to arise and I could not shake my over it (Alexa play Summer Walker) behavior, even with prayer and meditation, I knew that I needed some extra support. Recently I signed up for a free Positive Parenting Solution webinar entitled- Get your kids to listen without yelling, nagging or losing control. It was exactly what I needed to revisit parenting principles that I once held onto and utilized but had evaporated like they never existed. They offer a course with 7 steps with 10 lessons in each step to help you essentially become a better parent by recognizing the impact your behaviors are having on your children and how to change them. Knowing that I am one of those parents who aren’t comfortable with the idea of schools reopening in the fall + sending my children to school in the fall, I know that we are in for the long haul and I need more resources to help me as I journey through parenting during a pandemic.

A few months ago there was a post going around about what our children will remember about this historical moment. It mentioned that it wouldn’t be the virus, or the news, or the civil rights movement demanding change across the county. Instead it would be the moments they spent with us and how that made them feel. I don’t want my children to reflect back on the pandemic of 2020 and remember it was the time that mommy lost her (expletive) everyday. I don’t want them to remember it as a time when they were stuck in the house and how bored they were for months on end. I don’t want them to remember it as a time where I was so indulged in the daily fires that continued to pop up multiple times a day on the news and social media that I didn’t notice that they were struggling or needed to be reassured. I want them to remember that we laughed, we learned, I did my best and my best was a beautiful experience.