Tomorrow I turn 36.

I like to spend the day before reflecting, listening, praying, reconciling, letting go, reassessing, giving thanks, hoping + dreaming. ⠀

The hardest part about ending a trip in a pandemic is that you get tripped up on the hope and dream part of closing a chapter... ⠀

Life seems so fragile and unappreciated. Earth feels so annoyed and disconnected. The energy feels so flighty. ⠀

Lacking calculation and direction... ⠀

What to the end of this chapter shall we write? How do you brush past the rubble, dig deep into the uncertainty and pull out a declaration of hope. A canister full of ammunition for the next journey? What do we say to ourselves about this time when we aged up, leveled up, leaped, discovered, reconnected in a time where it feels wrong to honor? What becomes the sacrifice in this season?

These are the reflections I’ve been having — questions I’ve been asking. The last 4 months of my 35th year of life have not been what I imagined such a major year would look like upon its conclusion. And perhaps even that makes it that much more of a year to remember. I had a lot of wins this past year and perhaps this quarantine was a win as well. ⠀

In a way. ⠀

Depending on how you manage your hearts cry with the reality of the world. One can be full of joy for a much needed pause to get in order what was chaotic, stalled, disillusioned; while also mourning the loss of lives, respecting the shift, celebrating the power and joining the movement. ⠀

There’s a duality we’ve had to embrace. A voice within we’ve had to fine tune to make known what has been ignored. Ideologies we’ve had to expand.

Growth personified. ⠀

I’m a different woman. The trip owes me that. And you. It owes us the opportunity to recognize that growth has to happen in ways we didn’t entail and to it, the trip that has carried us, we owe gratitude and honor. ⠀

As an offering both I leave — for what thirty five shared with me. ⠀

Whatever you see, God did it! Never forget. ⠀

I surrender. He shines. I am just a vessel. ⠀

Forward. ⠀

Selah.