So much of what we are drawn to when it comes to looking at pictures are the getaways and the new places and the bright colors and the aesthetically pleasing food. We’ve equated anywhere but here with doing and when we are here we feel like nothing.

Nothing to see here.

Nothing to celebrate.

Nothing to capture because we’re just being; just existing instead of doing and what’s worth sharing if there isn’t any “thing” attached to it.

I absolutely love old pictures. No one was worried about doing the right thing according to what other people would like, they just wanted to capture the moment.

I come from a family of picture takers. My grandparents have stacks of pictures books, walls of pictures, moments captured that the Instagram Gods might not deem worthy today but they are priceless. My sons knew about a camera before anything else because I’m constantly taking pictures. Now my oldest one will see something or we’ll be doing something and he will say mommy get your camera so we can have this as a memory.

One of my favorite pages on Instagram is a page called blkmktvintage, curators of a collections of black curiosities, heirlooms and collectibles. Back in March, when the quarantine began, they started a photo essay series called We Been Inside (#webeeninside). It’s vintage pictures of our favorite black celebrities living, laughing, capturing memories inside their homes. It has easily become my favorite thing to look at since being at home and consuming more social media.

What we would’ve never expected was that we would all have to celebrate our birthdays in our homes. From zoom calls to gatherings of no more than 8-10, covered in our masks— it has change the idea of celebration from what we once knew. I wanted to ensure I captured my own birthday with an at the house photo shoot that I can look back on and remember that was the year we were stuck in the house.

While we want to get back to going out without our health being at high risk, I hope we will find a way to capture these moments at home and celebrate the beauty of the time even if it often feels broken and out of sorts.

I usually make major declarations for the next year. While January 1 starts the new calendar year, my birthday for me is truly my rebirth. My return into a new me—a chance to grab on to more growth, more wisdom and becoming a better woman. If I missed it in the previous year God gave me another chance.

In my Farewell to 35 I shared how amazingly beautiful 35 had been. I owe that experience to my intentionality surrounding the year. I struggled with negative self talk and just a weird funk in 34 and I was determined to change the language surrounding my womanhood and believe what I declared.

2019 and 35 was my year of CAPABLE.

I harbored so many fears and insecurities about my gifts and ideas and if I deserved to receive what I desired. Such thinking and emotions stifles our greatness and I felt that dejection in my spirit and I hated it. We have to question why (I’m an Enneagram 5w6 so ‘WHY’ is my middle name) these thoughts rise up and then we have to make a choice to change the trajectory of where those thoughts are leading us. Having a community helps, therapy is absolutely clutch but to get to either of those places as your full and authentic self you have to choose.

Choose your joy.