This weekend there wasn’t a timer. There weren’t stations. No puzzles, writing, manipulatives, exploration.

I can’t remember if they went outside and if they did, I do know it wasn’t for long. There wasn’t any order. No planned out meals — every man for themselves. Yes even the little one. Don’t worry they were taken care of it just wasn’t the tight ship I usually steer. I am of the generation that there is no such thing as “being bored” because boredom is a reflection of a brain not being utilized so there is always something that can be done. There’s always something new to learn, a book to read or reread, an outside to explore, handwriting to improve, art to expand, STEM to experience — boredom is a bad word in our house. Electronics are the thing we enjoy once we’ve taken care of the important stuff. But this weekend, navigating my own emotions and stuff I had to take off the cape and let them be.

They might have clocked the most hours on electronics ever in their little lives having me, “go read a book + have you exercised your brain”, Caneeka as their mother.

I almost felt bad. I almost spoke negative words about my motherhood. I almost found myself ashamed.

But then I climbed out of my bed, walked in the living room and saw them sitting next to each other and it made me realize that they won’t take from this the way I organized their day in a pandemic. They won’t remember the lessons and the google classroom assignments that we had to finish or the chores they forgot to complete.

No.

They will remember — more than the crazy reality we’re facing — that they had each other and had a blast playing Mario Super-smash Bro’s.

On this first Sunday in May, I’m giving myself ALL the grace and as I carry you moms out there in my heart, I speak grace and rest over you as well.